Look who's talking now.

Babies scare me. Not in a "Maccas has run out of nuggets and the fat woman is looking at me wondering how I'll taste with sweet and sour sauce" kind of way... but frightening nonetheless.
It's not that I don't like kids. I think I'd like some one day, maybe even breed a few of them and auction on ebay for a tidy profit, but not right now.
They just look like too much hard work.
The hard work starts long before the baby is even around. It's hard work making them for starters. Well, by that I mean finding someone who is willing to go halvies with you in a foetus.
Sorry, that description of having a baby sounds really wrong! Especially when I think in some African McDonalds they actually do divide Mcfoetus value meals in two.

Baby showers are something that intrigue me also. I'm so glad I'm a bloke. We get to avoid all that sort of stuff. Besides, what's so fun about standing around watching a 1yr old get hosed down in the backyard anyway?

And then there are all the presents. I went shopping for a present for a baby with my mother once. Every shop we'd go into she'd say "have a look to see if you can find any cute booties". Seriously, why mum wants me to perve on black womens' arses in a kid's clothing store is beyond me.

And how do you tell if a baby is cute or not? They all kind of look the same to me, much like puppies. And unlike puppies, kids cost a shitload to feed and look after.. and I've yet to come across a baby formula that promises healthy teeth and a shiny coat.

I've decided if by some miracle of science guys can become pregnant, then I will ask for a Caesarian. I reckon the bacon bits, anchovies and the croutons will give me the strength I need to get through pushing a baby out of my arse.
Although come to think of it, if that was the case.. maybe a Greek Salad would be better instead.

Which brings me to the real reason that I started this topic, and made you all endure my horrible and tasteless baby jokes. To tell you my favourite baby joke of all time :

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?
About 40 seconds in the microwave.


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