Die Hard 5 : Weekend in Ikea

In the Die Hard series, Bruce Willis's character utters the catchphrase "Yippee Kai-ay motherfucker". I'm pretty sure that this was the result of big corporate censorship, as most likely the original was "Bloody Ikea Motherfucker!"

So I headed down to Ikea today. Mum wanted to come, which meant Dad wanted to come, which meant I had a long day ahead of me.
The car trips are always fun when it's the both of them. A slight bump in the road sends one of them screaming "Oooh" like they are in physical pain. It's pretty much the most stressful environment ever, it's like performing complex brain surgery on the prime minister. They've both got different opinions on how to drive and which way to take, which of course differ to mine. So there is yelling to and fro from them, and in the meantime I'm trying hard not to smash into pedestrians or people on bikes (except those fuckers that ride two deep... they can go flying).
So anyway, we get there and I've forgotten what it's like, and why you should never go on the weekend. I think they should sell a survival kit before you enter.. complete with water for dehydration, a compass for when you get lost, and a knife for slashing the tyres of prams that bump into the back of your heels.
After hours of wandering I had chosen what I wanted, and was now faced with the mass of cardboard boxes from which I had to pick. Except my item wasn't there, I had to "order" it from the kitchen department, who would give me a slip which I would take to the cashier, then go to the collection bay! So it was back to the start, then to the end again, then a lazy 30min wait while some bozo at the back picks up one measly box from the back that I could have collected myself!
I honestly think we could lower the crime rate significantly if instead of judges handing out prison sentences, they handed out Ikea sentences instead.
"Mr Smith, for the crime of first degree murder with malicious intent, the court finds you guilty as charged, and sentences you to 7 yrs in Ikea."